Oh, Glory!
by ohbobsaget
Summary: Paramore Fanfiction! Hmmm. Not really sure where this is going. Basically just coming up with ideas as i go along...  Joshley fic!
1. Potato!

**haha. Potato! This was just me being silly. has a background story that i made up myself. The band moves to Chicago to chill. Hayley has an odd craving for Potatoes...**

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Hayley Williams sat in the kitchen of her new home in Chicago, Illinois. The kitchen had a smooth feeling to it; the ceiling was flat unlike the bumpy kind she was used to. The corners of all of the counter tops and tables were rounded; it made her think of all of times she's bumped her elbow or hip on one of those sharp, wooden, corners. That wouldn't happen again, not while she was living in this new house with her band. Paramore had just finished their Honda Civic tour for their new album, _Brand New Eyes. _Hayley was ecstatic at how many fans had come out to support them. She loved what she did. She loved the fact that all she had to do was make music to make people happy. She loved her band—her friends. Everything was just great. It wasn't until towards the end of the tour that she and the rest of the band—Zac, Taylor, Jeremy, and Josh—decided to get a place together. They took a vote on where they wanted the place to be built.

"It needs to be somewhere with excitement." Jeremy had implied.

They needed a city, with bustle and thrill. New York was too crazy; Taylor had made very clear to the rest of the band. That's when Hayley suggested Chicago. They all agreed and moved out there as soon as possible. They all had pitched in to afford a five-bedroom, four-bathroom home. The stature was gargantuan. Hayley recollected the moment she walked into her new dwelling. Her tiny, petite, twig-like self felt so out of place in this new abode. The guys quickly reassured her that she would grow to like it. And she did. She felt as if the place had room for anything. Mistakes, craziness—anything. This was home. It would take some adjusting, but this was home.

Now Hayley's leg shook, it bounced crazily on the tile floor of the kitchen. Hayley laid her head on top of her crossed arms on the sleek glass table. She eyed the refrigerator. Its manila shade gleamed under the overhead light. Her eyes twitched, her nose wrinkled. She could just smell it inside of that refrigerated goodness. It was in there, she knew it was. But no. She'd had too much to eat that night. The lasagna that Josh had made for dinner, the buttered broccoli, the leftover sweet peas her mother had dropped off a week ago as a housewarming gift. She was full. Or was she? She didn't feel full. And there had to be something wonderful for her to sink her teeth into inside of that fridge. Now her mouth was watering, she scrunched her eyes up tight, trying to get rid of the much wanted sensation of food on her tongue. Her knees bounced against the bottom of the dinner table. She wanted it more than she wanted it. Oh good, God it was killing her. She needed food _now. _

She hopped up from the table and marched over the fridge. Her clammy fingers grasped that silver handle and yanked it open. Her facial expression: seriously _hungry. _She rummaged through the meat drawer and found nothing but Zac's beloved turkey bacon. _Yuck _she thought and pushed it aside. She opened up another drawer and fished out something random. _Potato. _She pulled out the sack of potatoes and spread them out on the garnet counter. She grabbed a nicely shaped potato and popped it into the microwave. She pressed the five minute button as the heater whirred to life. Hayley propped her elbows up on the counter in front of the microwave. Round and Round and Round her potato spun. Need. Want. They almost sounded exactly the same at this particular moment. Hayley realized that she had never been so famished. She ignored this feeling and focused on getting that potato into her stomach without swallowing it whole.

The microwave was at its three minute mark. _Three more minutes? _Hayley exclaimed in her mind. She couldn't wait any longer. She pressed the _open _button of the new-fangled, grey, gleaming microwave (also a housewarming gift) and plucked the potato from the machine. She got goose bumps as her fingers touched the brown skin of the vegetable. It was slightly warm on the outside but the inside, Hayley knew was still cold. Two minutes wasn't nearly enough for a potato to be completely oven-hot. But she didn't care. She didn't even take the time to peal the skin of the potato off with her long, purple-painted nails. She bit right into it. Her tooth front teeth digging into the white, fluffy goodness of the potato. She savored it on her tongue, chewed and swallowed. It tasted _so _good. Hayley tried to imagine what chocolate would taste like to her at this state. If only she had some chocolate.

"Hayley?" came and proverbial voice from behind her.

Hayley spun around to come face-to-face with Josh. He was in his pajamas. A loose t-shirt and some long blue-plaid pants. He raised his eyebrows at her, a smirk forming on his face.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"Nuffin." Hayley said, bits of dry potato flying from her lips.

Josh chuckled and shook his head. "Hayles, you hate potatoes."

She chewed on her already mouthed bits of potato and swallowed. _So good. _

"No, I don't." she protested.

He snatched the potato from her grasp.

"Hey!" she said, angrily "Give it back to me Josh!" he held it above her head as she tried to reach for it.

"No, Hayley. You told me you hated potatoes. You refused to eat them at Thanksgiving dinner, remember?"

Josh tossed the potato within his hands, like a tennis ball.

"_No._" Hayley persisted "I said I didn't like dry potatoes. You know, like without any sour cream or butter on it. I love potatoes."

"This potato is dry." Josh pointed out.

Hayley bit her lip. "I was very hungry." She tried to snatch it from him but he was too quick her. He lurched his arm away from her so that she couldn't get to her snack.

She scowled and gave up. She wasn't supposed to be eating that potato anyway.

Josh bit into the veggie that he held in his hands as Hayley stood there in shock, her mouth agape. _He just bit into my potato. _

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**Lol. Sorry if i wasted your time. Comments are appreciated though!**


	2. Unknown Actions

**okay, i know the last chapter was just silly but i actually got an idea to continue this fanfic. This one is kind of short and a little confusing...**

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"Hayyyleeyyyy." Josh drawled to Hayley when he woke up next to her that morning. This would be the band's 2nd week living in their new house in Chicago. They already loved it. Jeremy enjoyed the spacious room and high ceilings. He often would plug his bass into the spare amplifier and head bang to random heavy metal in the hallway. Josh loved the fact that you could just sit out on the balcony and watch the sunset all evening. He loved to relax. Zac loved the pool outback. Doing back flips off the crisp, white, bouncy diving board felt so good. He was the only one who really used the pool at all, for it was October and rather cold in the chilly state of Illinois. Taylor enjoyed the space up in the large, airy attic It was plenty room for all of his books. Unlike the rest of the band, Taylor found it very important to read daily. Even if it wasn't from the band's Holy Bible.

Hayley's favorite part was the bedrooms. Her room was a crisp, white room. A white dresser and desk. Her favorite white electric guitar that Josh had given her for a birthday. Her bed spread was soft, squishy, and-you guessed it- white. The color white to Hayley seemed fresh and new. She wasn't sure if in the future she'd get rid of her cleanly white room and change to something more vintage.

Now Hayley lay sleeping in her white bed. Her back fully supported on the expensive Tempur Pedic mattress. Josh lay next to her, his head propped up a bit so that he could look at his surroundings.

"Hayyylllleeeyyyyyyy." Josh drawled again. He shook Hayley's bare shoulder lightly, trying to get her to wake from her slumber.

"Mmhmmphmmm." Hayley groaned back, "Let me sleep, Josh."

Josh was suddenly frantic. Last night had been totally out of hand. After the whole potato incident, the pair had decided to settle down and watch T.V. As they did so, Josh proceeded to drink more and more beer. Hayley became more tired and Josh became more drunk. Josh didn't quite remember going to sleep but he was sure if he asked Hayley she would tell him the truth. So far, things weren't looking too well. _Did we…did we sleep together? _Josh thought to himself. But he quickly brushed the possibility from his mind. That had happened once before and it wasn't going to happen again.

"Hayles! Wake up!" Josh hissed at the sleeping woman beside him. He turned over on his side to get a better grip on her shoulder. He shook her until her eyes shot open with anger.

"Josh!" she scowled. "Stop it!"

He continued to irritate her. He needed to get her awake. More importantly, he needed to know what had happened last night; What all he'd done.

He jabbed his thumb into Hayley's side repeatedly, tickling the red-headed beauty over and over again. She erupted in deep giggles and when she couldn't stand it anymore she turned over to face Josh.

"Joshy!" she said, calling him by a name she used to call him when they were younger.

She pounced on him, ready to tickle him back. Even more prepared for a full-on tickle fight. As she jumped on top of her friend, the comforters slid off her, revealing her fully unclothed self. At first Hayley didn't realize that she wasn't wearing a shirt, or a bra for that matter. It wasn't until Josh's eyes suddenly locked on her chest, and his eyes turning from laughter to shock, that she realized how naked she was.

"Oh, _shit._" she whispered, and discontinued her hovering over Josh.

She hurried to cover herself with the sheets and sat up next to him.

"Hayley I…" Josh tried to explain himself, but stopped when he realized he still had no idea what happened the night before.

Hayley looked at him with a horrifically terrified look in her eyes.

"What did we do last night?"

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**Oooh! Suky, suky now! I'll update another time :) Comments are appreciated!**


	3. Nothing Happened

**I feel like this is kind of rushed, but it's not a HUGE part of the story so it's okay. **

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_Nothing happened _Hayley told herself over and over again _nothing happened. _She wanted to believe herself. She wanted to believe that she and Josh really didn't do ANYTHING the night. It was a normal night. One innocent night. Josh had teased her over her random craving for a potato; they watched cartoons and went to bed. That was it. Hayley knew she was lying to herself. There was more to it. Josh had popped a beer from the icy cold fridge and downed the first bottle almost as if in a single swig. Hayley remembered being extremely annoyed by the way her friend would get drunk on the most random of nights. But that was just Josh. She'd been telling even more of a lie if she'd said she was sober that night. Because she most definitely was not. After a few more drinks, Josh offered her some of his beer. Hayley, being completely parched after downing a quarter of that dry potato accepted drank the fresh, cold, beer without a second thought. One drink lead to another and before they knew it the living room spun in their eyes and they were laughing hysterically at things that weren't at all humorous to anyone sober around them. Hayley didn't remember going to bed that night, at all. She didn't remember walking up the stairs or changing into P.J's.

_Nothing happened. _Hayley told herself now as she dressed herself after her morning shower. As she stood in front of the pristine, sparkling mirror in her snow white bathroom she made a face. Wrinkling her nose up tight and then letting it settle. Her head ached from her obvious hang over and her body felt weak. She observed the dark circles that hung under her pretty hazel eyes that turned green in the sunlight. She let out a silent yawn as her eyes watered. She remained standing thinking it would do her some good or at least wake her up.

"Nothing happened." she said aloud to herself. "We didn't do _anything._"

The truth was Hayley was the least bit sure. She'd woken up next to her best friend, both of them fully unclothed. It could've been nothing. As much as she regretted thinking this, the pair could've gotten completely drunk and stripped down to nakedness and then passed out on the bed. Or it could've been something. Something that had happened before back when Josh and Hayley used to date. But that was the past. And they both swore never to go down that road again. That remaining friends was the best thing for both their relationship and the band.

Hayley wore dark blue leggings and a maroon pullover. She'd brushed her light red hair into a neat bun on top of her head before it dried and smacked some makeup onto her face. She looked respectable now, not as tired, but she didn't quite feel like going out today. Whatever had happened that night had made her feel like hiding…from the world.

There was a knock on her bathroom door and she skidded across the tile floor to open it.

Behind the wooden door stood the familiar and naïve face of Zac.

"Hayles!" he said excitedly, "You busy with somethin? Jeremy's doing something cool and he wants you to see!"

Zac took off, motioning for Hayley to follow him. Hayley reluctantly followed him down the hall and stairs. They found themselves in the basement where the rest of the gang sat chilling. It was Saturday morning. With nothing to do all day Hayley could only predict that she'd be sitting down here with the guys the whole entire day.

"Look it!" Taylor exclaimed when she walked into the room. He pointed to the corner where Jeremy stood with his bass in hand.

"Hayley, check this out!" he said, as if he was a little six-year-old showing his mother that he could hang upside down on the monkey bars. Hayley found this whole scene just ridiculous. Whatever it was that Jeremy was about to do better be totally awesome.

In the split second before Jeremy began his 'stunt' Hayley's eyes diverted to something more important in the room. She instantly locked eyes with Josh, who sat on one of the band's comfiest couches brought from their home in Franklin, on the far right of the basement. He kept his eyes on her, obviously wanting to hold the gaze. He looked just as tired as she was. His dark eyes looked distant and frail. He seemed as if he was just awakening. His look asked her a question, but she wasn't quite sure of what he was asking exactly. She squinted at him and then smirked. He smirked back. He stood from the couch almost soundlessly and gestured for Hayley to meet him at the bar counter near the back of the basement. Hayley followed as if hypnotized.

Zac, Taylor, and Jeremy watched the two scurry off, hurt and neglected.

Hayley found Josh reaching up into the brown wooden cabinets and pulling out a white medicine bottle.

"Ibuprofen?" Hayley asked making her way behind the counter.

Josh poured 2, turquoise, translucent pills into his palm and filled himself a glass of water from the faucet.

"Hangover." Josh said shrugging his broad shoulders. He popped the oval shaped pills into his mouth and drank the tap water as if he hadn't drank anything in days.

He leaned against the garnet counter top where Hayley had jumped onto to sit.

"Hey can you give me two of those?" Hayley asked before he put the bottle away.

He looked at her, bemused. "You too?"

Hayley rolled her eyes and pursed her pink lips. "I was drunk too." she said.

Josh looked shocked for only a split second, but quickly wiped the look from her face and handed her the tablets. Hayley swallowed them without water.

"So I guess I can't ask you what happened last night." Josh said, scooting his body towards Hayley's criss-cross position on the counter. "Because I surely don't remember."

"Nope." the girl replied, "It's all a blur."

Josh chuckled and rubbed his eyes. This was not what they needed right now, and Josh knew it.

"What?" Hayley said a smiling threatening to appear on her pale little face.

Josh continued to laugh. He crossed his arms over his very buff chest and threw his head back. He laughed.

"What the _fuck _happened last night? This is all so…so…" Josh couldn't even find the word to describe how he felt about the situation. Too random. Too unneeded.

Hayley found herself laughing too. This was rather funny. The irony that they both got drunk and didn't know whether or not they had slept together was just downright loony.

"I don't even know, Joshua." Hayley said, giggling.

The two sat there in silence for a couple of seconds, each of them chuckling to themselves occasionally.

"Okay, look." Hayley finally spoke up. "Whatever happened last night, let's just pretend it never happened, alright? Can we just forget about it Josh?"

Josh's insides felt as if they had just been stepped on. Everyone knew, Josh was the best at hiding his feelings and it was true. As much as he knew that he wasn't getting anywhere with Hayley, he felt that if maybe something had happened it would re-jumpstart their relationship. He missed the days where he would wake up to find Hayley lying next to him, half asleep grinning like a fool. He missed having the privilege of being able to say "I am Hayley Williams' boyfriend." He missed having that amazing girl, that amazing _woman _to himself. He missed the way she'd look at him when he told her a joke, the look of admiration and worship. It was a totally different look now, them being 'just friends' in all. He ended it. They ended it. It was too late to be feeling regret. They would forget about whatever had happened the night before and move about their lives. Or at least Hayley would. Josh wasn't so sure he could just forget about this.

"Josh?" Hayley said again, when Josh caught himself zoning out.

"Right," he finally said, "Let's just forget about it."

"It meant nothing, whatever it was..." Hayley continued, "If we _did _sleep together. It doesn't have to mean anything because we don't have feelings for each other anymore, right Josh?"

Josh tried not to hesitate. He didn't want to get Hayley suspicious. He didn't want to make things any more awkward then they already were.

"Right." Josh agreed again.

"Oh and you can't tell anyone. If this gets out…sheesh. First our friends. Then the press. It'll be murder my friend."

Josh just nodded. "Yeah."

"Good." Hayley slid down off the slippery counter and held out her small hand for Josh to shake.

"Shake on it?" she asked.

Josh accepted the hand shake, but then at last minute pulled Hayley into a hug.

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**So what did ya'll think? Don't think this is the end because it surely isn't! I've got ideas for another chapter :)**

**Comments are appreciated :)**


	4. Cold

**Hey guys! Sorry for my lack of updates lately. I've been busy and i had kind of a writer's block during the week. Thanks to the few people who take the time to read and comment! It means so much to me, thanks so much guys. You are honestly the only reason i keep writing this story. That and because I'm IN LOVE Paramore. haha. **

**This next chapter is kind of leading up to what i like to call my mid-way climax, so it's kind of slow and pointless. But you need to read it for the rest of the story to make sense so please don't skip! Enjoy!**

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"C'mon guys!" Hayley yelled to the guys as she piled off of their travel bus. Zac and Taylor hopped off behind her and Jeremy and Josh followed shortly after. They had arrived in Rockefeller Center, New York and it was beautiful. It was early November but the place was already packed with Christmas décor. The infamous Christmas tree already stood decorated and lit-up in the center of Rockefeller center. Hayley stood in awe as she took a minute to gape at what looked like a well thought-out masterpiece before her. She'd been to New York before, but never around the Holiday season. The guys stood around her, mouths falling to the floor as they too noticed the beauty of New York around Christmas time.

"It's not even Christmas yet!" Taylor exclaimed, almost as if to say all of _this _was unnecessary. "Why do they do all of this so early?"

Hayley chuckled to herself while Jeremy answered "Because it's awesome."

Paramore had been offered a chance to sing live on the TODAY Show and they had eagerly accepted. The band had been so laid back in their little 'mansion' in Chicago that they needed some kind of upbeat. New York sounded like the perfect road trip. So they packed up their snow gear, coats, boots, mittens and hats, piled into the bus they used for touring and took off for New York.

Hayley now stood in her caramel-colored Ugg boots and some skinny jeans. Along with a knit, blue hat over her red-head of hair. Her cheeks and nose were turning red from the cold, but she didn't care. As much as she loved the warmth and sunshine from her home in Franklin she loved to be in the cold every once in a while too. Besides, she'd already pretty much gotten used to it while living in Chicago. She wrapped her trench coat tighter around her body and dealt.

Josh hated the cold. He stood shivering in his layered clothing.

"When are we checking into the hotel, ya'll?" he asked his friends, his teeth beginning to chatter.

Hayley laughed at his reaction to the cold.

"Let's go now." Zac said, agreeing with his brother. "We can go sightseeing later."

Hayley frowned. "But it's so pretty! And we have so much time."

"It's prettier at night time, Hayles." Jeremy pointed out. "C'mon ya'll, let's go." And that was that. Jeremy had decided.

They piled back onto the bus and drove to their designated hotel. Josh sat thankfully in the passenger's seat rubbing his fingers together for warmth and Jeremy drove. Hayley sat in the back and engaged in conversation with Zac and Taylor.

"Josh come and get your bags!" Zac called from the bus. He carried two duffle bags and suitcase.

"It's too cold. Get em for me." He commanded his little brother.

Zac sucked his teeth and obeyed, throwing yet another duffle bag over his shoulder. He mumbled something about Josh being a lazy ass as he carried his bags inside.

Hayley stood in the bathroom unpacking her toiletries onto the sink. They'd be staying at "The Hotel in Times Square" for two weeks and Hayley was siked. She asked herself inside her head why the band didn't decide on moving out _here _but then quickly remembered how annoyed Taylor gets with large city crowds. It wasn't as intense in Chicago, which was good.

She placed her green Oral gel toothbrush in a large cup along with everyone else's toothbrushes. She put her hair brush and accessories under the sink where she found toilet paper. From her duffel bag she pulled a small package of U by Kotex sanitary pads and stuffed it under the sink. Though the guys never really got freaked out by her 'lady products' she didn't want it to ever be awkward, so she always found a place to hide them.

She wasn't sure if she'd need them this month. She'd missed her menstrual cycle last month and the month before. Though as a teenager, her periods were never really regular, she still worried. This would probably be the first time she actually _wanted _to get her period. Just to prove a point. Just to show that nothing was wrong. Proof that she and Josh _didn't _sleep together that one lazy night a few months ago.

After unpacking, Hayley lay down on the couch in the living area of their not-so-huge hotel room. It was spacious, but them now having lived in a mansion-like atmosphere for almost half of a year made it seem like anything smaller than their house was cramped.

She was tired. It had been a tiring drive from Chicago to New York and now all she wanted to do was sleep. But they hadn't been sightseeing yet, and she wanted so badly to see the city. She sat up on the manila colored couch, which was soft and fuzzy. Josh stepped out of the bedroom fully dressed in his winter gear again. The coat and sweatshirt he wore made him look 'fluffy' and boots that he had on his feet made him look like he was going hiking I the snow.

"Where are _you _headed?" Hayley asked, trying to wipe the sleepiness from her voice.

Josh looked around, almost as if he were confused. "Aren't we going sightseeing?" he asked.

Hayley laughed, "Yeah. But you look like you're going hiking in the great alps." She joked.

Josh squinted his eyes at her in anger, but couldn't hide his laughter. He did agree that he was slightly overdressed.

"It's gonna be cold!" Josh argued. "You should be getting dressed. Where are the others?"

"In the other room." Hayley replied calmly. She stood from her space on the couch. "Want me to go tell them that we're going to the mountains?" she joked again.

Josh slapped her playfully on the shoulder and she erupted in laughter.

"Tell them to get ready. Okay?"

"Yeah, yeah."

Within the next thirty minutes Jeremy, Zac, Josh, Taylor, and Hayley were dressed down in their cold weather clothing and were leaving the "The Hotel in Times Square" for sightseeing. Though the others wore their normal coats and boots and mittens, Josh was the only one entirely warm. Everyone else was completely under-dressed. Josh was sure to rub this in each one of their faces.

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**haha. i made up Josh's hate for the cold. i don't know if he really does hate it or not...**

**Don't ask me why they're not sleeping on the tour bus and got a hotel instead! Lol. I have no reason for that, i just realized how stupid that was AFTER i finished the story. Don't judge me. hahaha. Reviews are appreciated. I will update VERY soon. :)**


	5. Feeling Sickly

**SORRY! For my late update! I'm sure this chapter has a more satisfying story-line though my writing is kind of...lop-sided, if you will. It just doesn't feel right. BUT I'm posting it anyway! Enjoy!**

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Sick. Snot filled nostrils, throbbing head ache, turning stomach: Hayley was not feeling the least bit okay. And the worst part? It would be the day Paramore was going to perform live for all their fans on the TODAY show at Rockefeller Center. She couldn't be sick for _this, _yet she was coughing and sneezing and hurling every five minutes.

"Maybe she can't sing today." Josh said, despondently. He crossed his built arms over his ripped chest and sighed, looking down at Hayley who lay miserably on the couch.

She tried to protest, to show that she could indeed sing today. But she couldn't find her voice to speak out. Oh, the irony.

"Should I call in and cancel?" Zac asked. He stood a few feet away in the compact kitchen area of the "The Hotel in Times Square."

"It's not like a dentist appointment, you guys!" Taylor griped, "You can't just call in and cancel on the TODAY show!"

"Sure you can!" Jeremy piped up. He entered the living room where everyone was standing around Hayley with his bass (contained by the case) in hand. "I don't think we'll need to though. Hayles is strong! She can do it, right Hayley?" he looked over at his friend as she began to cough something up from her throat. She made a face of misery when she was done.

"I…I…" she tried to verbalize just one simple sentence. _I don't think I can do it _or _I don't feel well at all _but her coughs, sneezes, _hurls _just kept interrupting her. Besides, her throat felt as if it was closing in on her. She couldn't speak without severe pain.

"This isn't a good idea." Josh disagreed with Jeremy.

Josh of all people would know how strong of a person Hayley was. This wouldn't be the first time Hayley couldn't sing with the band and they _somehow _had to call it off. But this would be the first performance since the Honda Civic tour and loads of fans had spent the night in Rockefeller center to get good seats just to watch them play today. It was a hard decision. Let obsessive fans down and ruin an innocent person's day or watch Hayley suffer while hitting the high notes in _All We Know _and _Fences. _He hated to see his best friend hurting like this. _Maybe we should call it off. _ He thought.

Hayley knew drinking beer that one night would take a toll on her. As much as she loved letting loose every once in a while, she hated the possibility that doing any kind of drug or drinking any kind of alcoholic beverage would mess with her vocal ability. She should've known what it would do to her. Bad luck, maybe. But this was a way bigger explanation for why she felt so bad.

Hayley finally found her voice and motioned for the guys to come closer so she wouldn't have to strain.

"You guys go. I'll rest up for a couple of hours…"

"Take an Advil!" Zac chimed in, cutting off Hayley mid sentence.

Hayley smiled a non-toothy smile and nodded. "Yeah, take an Advil. I'll meet ya'll there in a couple hours and be ready to play."

The guys exchanged looks. Josh looking more concerned than the others.

"You're sure you'll be ready to go by the time we're ready to perform?" Josh said, doubtfully.

"Are you kidding? Hells yeah! Hayley will be _fine._" Jeremy said, answering for the sickly girl on the manila couch.

Hayley just nodded.

Taylor held up a fist. "Hayley, you _are _strong. I don't know anyone who's so sure they can get well in three hours."

Hayley bumped her knuckles to his in a fist bump. "Thanks, T." she said, her voice hoarse.

The rest of the band gathered their things and began to load them up into the bus. Their load-in time was seven fifty and it was almost seven thirty according to the digital clock in one of the hotel bedrooms. When all the equipment was loaded, the guys began to leave.

"Hayley. Get well." Zac said, on his way out the hotel room door.

Hayley coughed up something from her throat. Zac made a disgusted face. This made Hayley want to laugh, but she couldn't do so without hurting herself.

Josh was the last one out of the hotel room.

"I guess this is it." He said, throwing on his jacket-over-hoodie. It was _still _cold outside.

"I'll be fine." Hayley persisted.

"You know the performance time, right?" Josh asked.

Hayley cocked her head to look up at her friend standing above her. This particular action hurt her neck.

"Isn't it nine fifty?"

Josh nodded, his lips pursed. "Yep."

Hayley made herself comfortable on the crisp, clean, manila couch. She tried pulling her blanket over her body, but it ended it up lying above her feet. She tried curling up into a ball, but then her head hung off the side of the couch.

"Umph." Hayley groaned abruptly.

Without thinking, Josh leaned down and scooped Hayley up in his strong, muscle-built arms and carried her to the bedroom.

"Josh…" she whispered, almost as if trying to protest, but her voice was going again, so she couldn't quite say what she wanted to say.

Josh set the woman down on the messy bed that he used as his own. He hadn't made it yet, but the comforters were soft and squished together. Hayley felt as if the bed completely swallowed her up. It was almost as comfy as her Tempur Pedic mattress in the 'mansion.' He settled her in, fluffing her pillows and pulling the covers over her pajama worn body. The bed was warm, for Josh had only been peacefully sleeping in that same bed a little time ago.

Hayley's bloodshot eyes fluttered as the bed brushed her with a need for sleep.

"Better?" Josh asked.

She nodded faintly and closed her eyes. Her red-orange hair was scraggly on the pillow, her bangs sticking to her un-clean face. Josh brushed the stray hair back from her face and out of the way.

"I'll be fine." She said, her voice fading in and out of use. She felt like she had to reassure her friend. She felt like he was worrying too much. _So sleepy._

Before Hayley drifted in to a nice comfortable sick-person nap, she felt the brush of lips on her pale forehead. She stirred in her sub-consciousness.

"Mmmm." She moaned.

"Sleep well, Hayles." Josh whispered to the woman he secretly loved before ducking out. "See you later."

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** Eh? Ehh? mmk. So i'm gonna try to post really soon! Comments are appreciated. Once again, Thanks to the few people who take the time to read and review! It makes me so happy that people actually like my writings and ideas. Ya'll are awesome!:)**


	6. We're Headed For A Cliff

**OMGEEZLES! I'm SO SORRY i haven't updated in a long while. There's been a lot going on. For one thing, my e-mail account was hacked last week as well as my Facebook so i spent that entire week on the computer trying to get it back. :P Also, these last few days have been HARSH. Progress reports came out and...well, lets not get into that. The good thing is that I'm back now! With a new chapter! I'm not really extremely happy with this piece, my writing is lop-sided again. lol. Lil bit of dialogue, Josh and Hayley convo, you know. The norm. Revelation at the end of this chapter. Enjoy!**

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Hayley felt like puking again as she sat in the back of the taxi cab riding through New York City. Millions of possibilities were running through her mind. Lots of people get sick on long trips; maybe it was just a weird bug that got on the bus. Or maybe, it was something she ate in the hotel's food last night. The worst possibility she could bear to bring to mind was that she might be with child. That one night with Josh could've been something they both swore they'd never do again. But these were just the possibilities.

Hayley shooed all images from her mind for she was on her way to Rockefeller center to perform. She wore a yellow and black striped long sleeved shirt and a black mini skit. She wore long yellow boots that reached her knees. She'd purposefully matched her eye makeup to her apparel. She would be a bumble bee for the day. It seemed like something this town needed, especially with all of the slushy snow beginning to fall from the sky.

As the yellow taxi cab (that happened to match her outfit) pulled to a stop in front of the arena Hayley began to get butterflies in her stomach. She'd barely warmed up before she came here and the sound check for the rest of the band was nearly over. She was afraid as soon as she got on stage, her voice would give out. She swallowed the lump that now bobbed in her throat and forced herself to step out of the cab. She paid the driver and walked onto the sidewalk.

Her boots crunched against snow on the ground, she found herself having to lift her legs up rather high to get around. Near the door, burly-like men of the African American race were waiting for her.

"Hayley Williams?" they asked her when she reached for the door handle.

She smiled politely. "That's my name."

The man on the left, with a kinder looking face showed her inside to where the guys were talking backstage.

"Hayley!" Jeremy welcomed her first when he saw his red-headed friend.

"You made it!" Taylor exclaimed.

The guys enveloped her in a hug, squeezing the living daylights out of the poor girl.

"How's your voice?" Josh asked, after the painful group hug.

She began to answer, but her first few words came out completely hoarse. He made an expression of pain, as if it were his voice that was marring, not hers.

"Are you sure you can sing tonight?" he asked.

"Oh, yeah. Of course." She answered.

"That's our H-bomb!" Jeremy said in his own husky voice, grinning ear to ear.

"Guys," Zac said, glancing at his watch. "We're on in ten."

"I'm gonna go see how my hair look!" Jeremy said in a mock southern accent, though he already had a pretty strong one himself.

"Right there with ya!" Taylor said following his buddy to the nearby dressing and make up room. Zac followed them, laughing.

"Ya'll are such girls!" Hayley yelled to them, her voice cracking as it rose.

Josh laughed as his friends plugged in a straighter and began to flat iron their hair as a girl would do. Though they always do this before big concerts, it was funny to watch the guys put on a show as if they were all girls.

"Hayley?" Josh asked.

"What?" she flipped out her Blackberry and quick updated her Twitter.

_Bout to perform on the TODAY show, tune in! Sorry, my voice is a little out of wack today. But I came up just for you guys! _She tweeted.

"Are you sure you're okay?"

Hayley rolled her eyes. "I'm _fine_, Josh."

She walked around the small space of backstage and sat on a couch. She doodled something on her hand with a Sharpie she found on the side table.

"Because, you know, I worry sometimes...about you doing things you'll regret. Like singing when it could permanently damage your voice."

Hayley groaned but her voice was so hoarse it didn't sound quite like a groan.  
"What are you saying, Josh?" she asked him, trying her best not to get irritated with him. It was nice that he was worrying, but she didn't need him to be acting like her mother.

"I'm saying that maybe you shouldn't sing tonight Hayley, that's what I'm saying."

"And let all of these awesome fans down?" she said, sitting up on the couch and looking Josh in the eye. "I'd really rather not do that. Okay? Not again."

There had been a time once before when Hayley was so sick that she walked off stage with three songs left to perform, her voice completely shot. Josh had to get the crowd to sing the songs _for _her, so that she could hear them from backstage. Hayley remembered sitting in the corner of the backstage area listening to her fans sing her songs while she bawled her eyes out.

"We could cancel." Josh suggested.

"NO, Josh. I don't want to. I'm well enough to perform, I promise."

But even Hayley knew her voice wouldn't hold out for much longer. Even with the right mind set. Even with the two Advils she took this morning. Her voice would give out. Her stomach would fill with butterflies and she would proceed to hurl all over the stage, making a complete fool out of herself. Worst yet, she'd get the image again. The image of why all of this was happening. And Hayley could see that it was true. It wasn't the beer. It wasn't a bug caught on the bus. It wasn't the food in the hotel. Hayley knew she'd only be lying to herself if she didn't admit it. But as much as it hurt to admit it, she knew it was true. She was pregnant. And the worst part? It was Josh's baby.

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**Thoughts? Ideas? Suggestions? Review! **

**I'm sorry that i keep putting off the time when they FINALLY perform on the Today show, i'm still trying to figure out how i'm gonna do that.I swear that'll be in the next chapter.**

**Thanksgiving is in a few days! I'm thankful for PARAMORE! :) What are you thankful for? Have a nice day ya'll :)**


	7. Images

**Oh, gosh. This is probably the most I've worked on this story in one day. It may seem quick, but i worked pretty hard on this. Josh and Hayley action at the end. The performance on the Today show is in here but will be continued in the next chapter. I'm leaving to go see family for Thanksgiving Break, so i wanted to put something up before i left. And i did it! Aren't you proud? Lop-sided writing once again-but ya'll don't seem to care, so Enjoy :)**

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New York City, out of all of the other audiences they had performed in front of, had THE most energy Paramore ever saw. The band exchanged looks as they walked onto stage the crowd shrieked like dogs being whipped. Hayley laid eyes on a few teenage girls in the front. She smiled at them. They screamed louder, hands waving in the air wanting more attention. As Meredith Vieira came into view Hayley quickly reminded herself that this was a televised event. She told her butterflies to calm themselves, tried not to focus on the fact that her head was beginning to throb, and cleared her throat as well as possible. After the band was announced they began to perform. They broke into _Here We Go Again_, one of their favorite songs to perform live. There weren't any hoarse notes so far; everything seemed to be running smoothly.

Josh eyed Hayley from his spot on the stage. He adored the way she felt the beat of the music. Propping her foot up on the speakers. Shaking her hair during the instrumental parts. Josh didn't know, but he thought her small stature made her actions, well…cute. Hayley seemed to back down a little bit during the bridge of the song. He also liked the fact that she acknowledged his guitar playing.

"_And I'll write you, to let you know, that I'm alright. Can't say I'm sad to see you—" _

Hayley held her microphone out to the crowd of rowdy New Yorkers as they belted the words: "_GO! Cause I'm not." _

"_Well, I'm not._" Hayley finished up.

Josh found it funny that she got the crowd to sing the highest note in the song. Clever.

After they finished the song, the crowd cheered so loud, they sounded as big as the beat of the bass. Hayley almost wanted to request stronger ear plugs.

"How are you today New York City!" She yelled to the crowd, while the rest of the band tuned their instruments for the next song. The TODAY Show was on a commercial break, therefore, like she did in most concerts, she could connect with the crowd.

"Sorry my voice is doing weird things today. I apologize for that."

The crowd cheered again. Fans were the most supportive people.

"Put your hand in the air…if this is your first live concert!" Hayley belted into her orange microphone. About a quarter of the audience held their hands high and all the while cheered _louder. _Hayley spotted a woman of middle age holding a baby, probably two or three years old. She held the baby's hand up for her. Hayley couldn't imagine how this baby could be in the crowd listening to the extremely loud music without even making a fuss. But then she got the image again. And forced herself not to think about it. Not here. Not in front of the fans.

"Put your hand in the air if this is your first _Paramore_ concert!"

The crowd applauded again, fewer people putting their arms in the air.

Hayley proceeded to introduce the band. Describing Josh Farro as an amazing guitar player and friend for life, Zac Farro as the awesome, hilarious, brother of Josh and the awesomest drummer ever. She described Jeremy Davis as tough, humorous, awe-inspiring bassist, and Taylor York as the curly headed freak that's just as good guitar as Josh. Josh cut in to introduce Hayley, describing her as red-headed, small, with vocal chords you could only dream of. Hayley blushed and smiled, and held the microphone to her mouth once again.

"And in case you still haven't figured it out. We. Are. PARAMOOOOOOORE!"

The crowd went extremely wild; they might as well have been throwing themselves on the stage. The camera cut back on and they broke in _Misery Business, _then shortly after, _CrushCrushCrush, _and then _Ignorance. _

They played on with their songs, the whole band starting to feel at home on the stage. Starting to feel ownage. Hayley had almost completely forgotten about her frequent 'images' as she got into the music she sang.

On the next commercial break, Paramore took a break to let themselves, and the crowd wind down. They drank ice cold bottled water while sitting on the couch backstage.

"Okay, so we'll do _The Only Exception_, and then _Playing God_ and then _My Heart_ at the end, right?" Josh asked his friends.

"Switch the first two songs." Taylor suggested, "We need to have two slower songs at the end."

"Yeah," Hayley verbalized; her voice still hoarse "I agree."

The rest of the band nodded as well, and Josh accepted. As that same burly, African American dude told them it was time to get back on stage, the band stood up.

They huddled together, said a small prayer and went onto the stage feeling like champions.

That feeling didn't last for long. For Hayley stomach began to bubble like a frying pan. She eyed the crowd that began to cheer as she took her place behind the microphone. The cameras were rolling, and there would be _no_ procrastination.

"Alright guys. This next song is about…"

Hayley eyed the crowd, her head began to spin slowly, and her stomach seemed to scream at her "GET OFF THE STAGE!"

"It's about…self-righteous people…who…"

The rest of the band exchanged looks. Zac held his drums sticks as if to say "I don't know?" when Jeremy sent him a question look. All eyes were on Hayley, and she had drawn that attention because of her stupid procrastination. Her stomach hurt like hell, and her mouth felt dry. The need to puke overcame her. Her face turned a light shade of green.

"Hayley are you o—"

"Sorry." Hayley spat into the microphone as she ran off the stage. "Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry." She continued to say. She made her way behind the building and found garbage cans, just in time too.

She hurled, what seemed like her entire soul into the trash can. Her throat throbbed and hurt and more and more puke spilled out of her tiny body. She sat her head up and began to sob. She wiped her mouth with her shirt sleeve. She was angry with herself, for running off stage like that. Such a cowardly thing to do. _I have no backbone_ she thought _I'm weak. _And weak she was.

Her body gave out as she sat down on the gravel ground next to the garbage can. She didn't even care about the smell that now permeated around her. She was done. Fed up. Angry. Upset. Her stomach settled itself, but her throat still screamed painful songs. Her headache was so terrible she felt like dying, right there, behind Rockefeller Center. Next to a garbage can. She was thankful for the sun that decided to come out today, melting away most of the snow. Her bottom began to feel very wet as she realized she was sitting in a puddle of melted snow.

She drew her knees up to her chest, took the earplugs out from her ears, buried her face into her knees and cried.

It wasn't long before the guys came to find her, extremely worried.

"Oh, my God. Hayley! Are You Okay?" "What happened?" "What's going on?" the words seemed to all whir together as the guys questioned her.

She stood from her place on the ground. Her face smeared with tears, eyeliner running down her cheeks.

"I…I…guys I'm…so…sorry." She managed. "I just…I'm…"

Sorrowful looks filled their faces, seeing Hayley cry was the last thing any of them wanted to witness.

"I'm so _fucking _sick." She said, her voice wavering.

Josh sighed and led the group to envelope her in a hug. They huddled around her, Josh stroking her back, as she proceeded to cry.

"What can we do about this?" Zac asked, pulling himself from the group hug. "Hayley _obviously _can't sing now."  
"Zac!" Josh scolded his brother.

"What? I'm just statin' the facts."

"He's right." Hayley said, through tears. "I feel like a piece of shit, guys. I can't get back on stage."  
Josh soothed her again, trying to get her to stop speaking. She just needed to rest. Give it all a break.

"We could get the crowd to sing." Jeremy suggested, "Like we did last time something like this happened."

"Yeah." Taylor agreed.

"Is that okay, Hayles?" Josh asked their lead singer. "We'll handle it."

She exchanged looks with each and every one of them before nodding. "Okay." She said, tears continued to leak from her eyes.

"Good." Zac said. "Let's go do our thang!" He said, making Hayley smile, but only for a split-second.

The band minus Hayley began to depart from the smelly trash can area, telling Hayley to feel better and get well soon. As they walked off, Hayley caught Josh by the arm.

"What?" he asked. She waited for the rest of the guys to leave before speaking. When they were out of site and earshot she said:

"You remember that one night…that we…"

And Josh knew exactly what she meant. He looked around to make sure no one else was watching, took a step closer to Hayley and whispered "Yeah. What about it?"

"I think I know why all of this is happening." She said

Josh shook his head and shrugged his broad shoulders in bemusement.

"I think maybe you might have gotten me p—"

"Oh hell, no!" Josh yelled, finally catching on. Hayley held a finger to her lips, telling him to shut up. He resumed his whisper tone.

"We don't even know if we slept together! How could you jump to conclusions like that?" Hayley could see the worry and angst in Josh's face and instantly regretted telling him this. Especially since he was just about to get back on stage to face the crowd.

"I just thought it could be a possibility. Besides, I'm like, a month late."

Josh let out an uneasy sigh. "You're sure?"

"I think."

"You're _sure_?"

"I said I _think _Joshua!" She said, raising her voice. He told her to shut up.

"Do you think it might just be because you're stressed out?"

"I don't know." Hayley rubbed her fingers to her temples. "It would explain a lot though."

Josh crossed his arm and began slowly, pacing. "I can't deal with this right now. We're on, in like, five minutes, Hayles."  
"I know." She said.

They stood in silence for a few minutes. Hayley waited for Josh to say something. She realized how angry he looked. She didn't understand why he was so mad. She expected him to much more supportive.

"Okay," Josh finally spoke. "We'll go to a doctor once we get home from New York."  
"Should we tell the others?" she asked.

"No." Josh said abruptly. "Not yet."

"Okay."

Josh began to walk off, without saying anything more, but turned around at last minute.

"You picked the worst possible time to tell me all of this." He said, walking backwards.

"I know. I'm sorry."

Josh could sense the apology in Hayley's voice. He realized how down she was, the tears that threatened to fall from her eyes.

"You scared?" he asked.

"Yeah." she said.

"Worried?"

"A little."

Josh smirked. "Well, I'm here for you. If you need me."

Hayley smiled. That's all she needed to hear.

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**Review! Think Hayley's just overreacting? Or are she and Josh gonna be parents? Find out in my next chapter!**

**lol. i feel like I'm doing some kind of soap opera commercial. Happy Thanksgiving, guys!**


	8. Things are Looking Up

**Alrighty! Short chapter to keep ya'll satisfied until i write the next one. Don't think it's over because its NOT i still have a few more things to throw in the fanfic. Sorry, this one seems so rushed. though it's a major revalation, i kinda had to make it short in order to put more emphasis on the ending. Mmk? Mmk. **

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Josh stood in front of the microphone on stage and ogled the audience of New Yorkers that stood before him. He glanced at Jeremy, then Taylor, then Zac who gave him a nod. He explained to the crowd that Hayley wasn't in good spirits and her voice was too tired to sing more songs. The crowd proceeded to boo loudly and angrily, and Josh didn't like the way this was going.

"Though Hayley isn't on stage with us, we want to continue the set. Can ya'll sing the words for Hayley?" that seemed to pipe up the crowd because they began to cheer, loudly, just as they had been doing before.

The band broke into _Playing God_ and the crowd went absolutely wild.

"_I KNOW YOU DON'T BELIEVE ME! BUT THE WAY I—WAY I SEE IT! NEXT TIME YOU POINT A FINGER I MIGHT HAVE TO BEND IT BACK OR BREAK IT—BREAK IT OFF_!" the crowd sang in unison. Josh thought they sounded like a pack of zombies as he continued to belt the words and play his guitar.

Hayley sat cross-legged on the gravel ground next to the trash can where she had hurled only a few minutes ago. She placed her chin in her palm and elbow on her knee and listened to the rest of her band sing _Franklin. _That was her song. Their song. It didn't sound the same when it wasn't her and Josh harmonizing. Yet the crowd did a pretty good job of singing her part while she could hear a muffled Josh:

"_Could you remind me of a time? When we were so alive? Do you remember that? Do you remember that_?" he sang his voice deep and mellow. It could almost make her fall asleep. She closed her eyes and hummed to the tune of his voice. She could hear the crowd singing her part very clearly.

"_Everything has changed_."

As the song came a slow, and Franklin ended Hayley stood from her spot on the ground. Her head began to spin again and she fought the urge to puke again. She walked slowly, her hand against the wall so she wouldn't stumble and fall, until she reached the corner of the wall and she could see the crowd. Waving their arms in the air, screaming, rooting, loud and high-pitched words.

"WE LOVE YOU PARAMORE!" she heard someone yell. She watched as Josh announced the next song and her favorite tune started to play. She whispered the words she would've been singing. She longed to run back up on stage now and sing with her band. Her voice hurt. Her stomach turned. She was a hot mess and she couldn't deny it.

Without thinking, Hayley came out from behind the wall and walked towards the crowd. As one fan spotted her, another one did two. First five, then fifteen. Before she knew it the entire crowd was cheering as she walked across the asphalt to stand before the stage. She had no idea what she was doing. The rest of the band continued to play. Jeremy gave her a "rock on" symbol with his hands. She smiled and brushed a tear from her eye. She jumped the gate that held in all the crazy fans and greeted the ones standing right there. They were all rosy-cheeked and red-nose and buried in coats, scarves and hats.

"We love you Hayley!" they all began to say.

She walked amongst the crowd. Trying to greet everyone as if it were a friend she hadn't seen in a while. The fans were completely flabbergasted.

"Thanks for coming." Hayley said to the mom she had spotted earlier with the baby. The mother smiled warmly, as Hayley proceeded to coo at the baby she held in her hands.

"Why aren't you on stage?" a random fan asked from behind her.

Hayley didn't know how to answer.

She made her way back up to the front of the gate and 'impersonated' a fan by clapping and cheering as Josh broke into the screamo part of _My Heart. _If she couldn't be on stage with her band, she might as well watch them perform her favorite song.

**Two days later**

"Are you sure these things work?" Josh asked Hayley as he sat on the couch of her white room with a pregnancy test box in his hands.

"Yes, people use them all the time. Stop being stupid."

"Well, sometimes they can come out false." Josh said, shrugging.

Hayley paced in front him, her arms crossed over the front of her grey sweater. "Whatever! This one says ninety-nine percent accurate."

This would be the day Hayley and Josh would find out whether or not they were going to be parents. Though Josh insisted on Hayles seeing a doctor, she refused to visit one. For one thing, she was embarrassed. And she was NOT ready to face the doctor's horrifying questions. _"Have you been sexually active?" _She didn't even know! That night. That one night. It was all blur in her mind, it might not have ever happened.

"Just give me the test." She said. "I'm gonna do it."

He handed her the box and stood up in front of her. "Listen, Hayley, whatever happens—"

"You're here for me." Hayley finished for him. "I know. Oh, God. I'm freaking out."

"Yeah, no kidding." Josh said, he bit his lip. "Go; take the test, before I pass out."

Hayley sighed and carried the box into the bathroom with her, furrowing her brows at Josh before closing the door behind her.

Josh sat back down on the couch. He pressed his fingers to his temples and closed his eyes. This was it. This was the big moment. Josh wasn't ready to be a dad. He was still a kid. A twenty-three year old kid, maybe. But he wasn't ready for the responsibility of a child. At first, Josh was excited about the possibility of him and Hayley having slept together. It could've been a jump-start to their new relationship. It could've aroused some chemistry. They could've kissed. They could have exchanged "I love yous" just like he'd been wanting to since the day they broke up. But not this. Not a baby. Not a screaming, crying, pooping, eating, small, fragile, all-attention-on-me, doctors visits, car seats, PARENTING, baby! Josh sighed to calm himself. He couldn't think of anything positive in this situation except for the fact that maybe he and Hayley would get closer because of it. They were already close. Best friends in fact. For some reason he could see him and Hayley being in love and happy, though they were already great friends. The thing was he couldn't see himself having a baby with Hayley and still being great friends. He blacked everything out as he sat back on the couch. He tried not to think. He _tried_ not to think.

A high-pitched shrill came from the bathroom, Josh's eyes shot open.

"Hayley?"

Hayley came out of the bathroom, tentatively, a huge grin on her face. She carried the test, still inside the box.

"What did the test say?" he asked, anxiously. He crossed his arms.

"I didn't even have to take it!" Hayley exclaimed, jumping at the fact. She grinned harder, her cheeks turning bright red.

"What—what do you mean?" Josh asked, puzzled.

"Josh," she said "I got my period."

He narrowed his eyes at her. "That's good, right?"

Hayley began jumping up and down like a little child would if they were having a sugar rush. "Fuck yeah, it's good! I'm not pregnant!"

Josh felt his insides practically collapse inside of him from having been so tense the last past few days. Hayley was still Hayley. And nothing else. No baby. And he wouldn't be a dad any time soon.

"Oh, thank God." Josh said he picked his petite friend up in his built, strong arms and spun her around.

Hayley was more than thrilled.

_I'm not pregnant. I'm not pregnant. I'm not pregnant. _She kept saying over and over again in her head. _Thank the Lord; everything's going to be okay. _

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_**Review!**** :)**_  
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	9. The Memory Remains

**Whoo! Probably one of the shortest pieces i've written for this story. I'm soo sorry my updates have been short and uneventful lately. as well as SUPER late. I've been really busy. I've got it all worked out in my head, i promise. The next few chapters will probably be the best. (lol i sound so self-absorbed.) Anywhoo. I thought this chapter was going to be longer but then i decided to separate some details into another chapter. here you go! Enjoy ;)

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Hayley and Josh stood side by side, both their stomachs doing flips with anxiety and nervousness. In front of them sat their band mates and friends they'd known for a long, long time. Jeremy on the left, looking rather clueless as to why Josh and Hayley had called this little meeting in their Chicago basement. Zac sat in the middle, looking somewhat bored. And Taylor on the right, looking worried and anxious as well. Hayley stood in front of them with her arms crossed over her small chest.

She was dressed in a yellow dress with red polka-dots all over. A red, glossy, shiny, belt that tied over her middle and a red head band that practically blended in with her hair. She wore red lipstick and yellow eye shadow. Hayley had gotten up this morning feeling like dressing up, and that was exactly what she proceeded to do. She hadn't felt so nice in weeks. No more worrying. No more images. No more stress. She felt…pretty good. It wasn't until Josh came into her room and told her that he couldn't bear to keep all of this from the rest of the band and that they _must _tell them what's been going on, that Hayley's mood went south.

She was nervous about telling them about her "pregnancy scare." Mostly because she wasn't prepared for the reaction they would give her when she told them that it was between her and _Josh. _

Josh wasn't ready either. He'd always been completely honest with his band, about everything. He was afraid of how they'd respond to the fact that he and Hayley had kept this HUGE scenario to themselves. More so, that he hadn't even bothered to tell his own brother, Zac.

Josh tapped his fingers against his built arms, his upper limbs crossed over his ripped chest. He chewed at the inside of his lip and murmured to Hayley:

"Are you gonna tell them, or should I?"

Hayley sighed. She ran fingers through the ends of her orange-red hair and wiped a nervous bead a sweat from her forehead.

"Tell us _what?_" Jeremy asked, growing impatient. "What is this?" his eyebrows furrowed in a sort of irritated expression.

Hayley held her breath and wiped her sweaty palms on the sides of her dress. "I'll tell them." she verbalized in a voice that was barely audible.

Josh braced himself.

Hayley sighed once more. "We had…a pregnancy scare." She said clearly. She waited for their response.

Jeremy raised his eyebrows so high they almost disappeared under his hat. Taylor sat there, jaw dropped, his mouth in the form of a 'O'. His big brown eyes grew wide. Zac sat still on the couch, his facial expression of boredom not changing much. He locked glances with his brother and telepathically through gazes that only siblings knew how to do, he asked him to explain. Josh broke the eye contact between him and his brother and stared down at his feet.

"Wait, what? What do you mean by that, Hayley?" Jeremy finally spoke up.

Hayley looked deep into the eyes of her friend. "Exactly what I said. We had a pregnancy scare. Me and Josh."

Josh closed his eyes and wished to be invisible.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. You and _Josh?_" Taylor exclaimed, in utter and complete shock. "This is a joke, right?"

"Please, tell me you're kidding." Zac added.

"We made a mistake." Josh said, eyes still closed. He knew he was lying straight through his teeth when he said that. Josh loved Hayley. And if he had been able to remember. That night. That one night. When something happened. It was a good thing. A start to a relationship. Only in his dreams.

"It was one drunken night. We don't even remember it, alright?" Hayley continued. "We promised it would stay between us and we'd never talk about it again."

"Until Hayley came to me saying she thought she was pregnant," Josh said "and then things got kind of serious."

"That's why I was so screwed up the day of the TODAY show performance. I was really, really, scared."

Josh jumped in and made sure to say "But Hayley got her dot, and so she's not pregnant, and things are gonna be…okay."

The guys exchanged looks. Taylor still in shock. Jeremy feeling quite awkward. Zac's eyes moving back and forth between Josh and Hayley. _Really? _He kept asking with his eyes _Really? _

"So you guys are like…being serious?" Zac asked, the question particularly aimed at his brother.

"Yeah." Josh answered.

"Sorry we kept this from ya'll so long." Hayley added. She crossed her arms over her chest again. Her body feeling light and her stomach feeling hollow. This whole revelation was kind of…embarrassing.

"Nothing like this is ever gonna happen again, alright?" Josh affixed.

"Yeah." Hayley agreed, "Me and Josh are through. Okay? No more drunken nights."

The room was silent for a bit. Josh hated himself for saying that. _Nothing like this is ever gonna happen again. _He wanted Hayley to be his everything. And she was standing next to him denying that anything would ever happen between them again. His heart felt crushed.

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**Thanks to all of my readers who take the time to R & R, it means soo much. I love reading your comments :) Review! (I hope you excused any careless typos, i was in a rush to post this)**


	10. I'm Screaming I Love You So

**WOOT! I think this is one of my better pieces. Some MAJOR Joshley Action! So i know you'll enjoy it. **

**Before you begin reading: Did everyone hear about the major Paramore news? If not, i HATE to be the one to tell you. Josh and Zac are leaving the band! it's the most devastating thing i've heard in a while, and i assure you. I was bawling my eyes out when i found out. For more info on that, just go to the Paramore website. ( D: )**

**oookay. Here ya goo. Enjoy :)**

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**Josh's POV**

As shocked as I was to find out that Hayley had no feelings for me, it would never prepare me for what she told us all next.

Hayley stood before the front door of the mansion. Her hair pinned up in a bun on top of her head, her outgrown bangs covered her green eyes. She wore a coat and some jeans, because of course, here in Chicago it was snowing like crazy.

She'd called us all awake, now the four of us guys stood there, half awake and still in our pajamas. Taylor didn't even bother to put any pants on.

"Nice boxers, T." Hayley said, noticing.

He yawned, still not fully awake. "Thanks."

I crossed my arms over my chest and stared her down. Waiting for her to break whatever news she had to tell us. She cleared her throat and began.

"Okay, so guys, I've been thinking and I miss home…a lot."

She waited for one of us to say something. No one did. She continued.

"I thought maybe I could go home for Christmas, ya know. To Franklin."

Silence again.

"I found out my house was still on the market. So…" she paused.

I prayed and hoped she wasn't about to say what I thought she was going to say. "I bought it back."

I didn't pray hard enough.

I was the first to speak after she pretty much told us she was leaving.

"So you decided to move back to Franklin, without even telling us?" I asked, trying to keep my tone low and not sound so angry. But I couldn't help it. I was angry. We had decided three months ago that we were going to live together as a band, here in Chicago. We got a great deal on this amazing house and we loved living mutually, at least I did. I couldn't understand why all of sudden she just wanted to leave.

"I'm telling you now." She said, her fingers clasped together so hard they were turning red.

"Yeah, but you had already decided. What's gonna happen to the band?" I asked, jumping to conclusions. I don't know why I wanted to put her on the spot. I guess I wanted to know if she truly had thought this through.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on a second, Josh! We'll still be a band. I never said we were gonna split."

"You didn't have to. You moving away is gonna put a damper on our music. I would think you'd already know that." I said angrily.

"I can come visit." She said, like that would help everything. "I just wanna be closer to my family. My mom lives near Franklin and I haven't seen my sisters in forever." Her voice cracked. I could tell she was getting emotional thinking about her family. They lived eight and half hours away. That must be hard. Maybe because I have a brother living under the same roof as me, I can't really grasp the feeling.

"I still don't understand why you couldn't ask us first."

"Well, for one thing, you'd say no, Josh." She said, anger filling up her voice as well. Her cheeks grew bright red.

I took a step closer. "What makes you say that?"

"Well just look at you! You're freaking out over something that's not that big of a deal. We've lived apart before. And because you've become so goddamn attached to me. It's sickening, really. I need my space!"

I felt like I'd literally just been punched in the stomach. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't speak. Those words. They made it way too clear, her feelings for me were no more than friendly. Maybe even less now.

"I'm _not_ attached to you." I whispered, in a voice that was barely perceptible. And with that, I shoved Hayley aside and opened the front door to walk out. I could hear Hayley apologizing to the rest of the guys and telling them to go back to bed as I slammed the door behind me.

I felt like a child. A little kid. A coward. I was doing everything wrong. I'd just completely messed up my relationship with the woman I was madly in love with, I'd made a fool of myself in front of my band mates. I was stupid. An idiot.

I ran my hands over my face; the cold air pinched my bare skin. The tips of my pajama bottoms began to grow wet and cold as I stepped over the fresh snow. I ran my fingers through my brown hair and began to shiver in the cold. I thought about sitting down and letting myself freeze to death.

The front door opened and out stepped Hayley. I couldn't look at her. I felt too bad. She hated me, I knew it. I didn't want to speak to her at all. I turned around, my back facing her. I could hear her footsteps on the snowy slush making their way over to me. I crossed my arms and let out a deep breath.

"What?" I asked, crossly.

"Sorry if I hurt you." She whispered. A breeze came by and it whistled in my ears, I could feel my nose starting to freeze.

Hayley tried to put a hand on my shoulder but I shoved it away. I didn't want to be comforted. She didn't love me. What was the point?

Hayley scowled. "What's your problem?"

I refused to answer her.

"Oh so now you're giving me the silent treatment?" Hayley asked, reading my mind. I hugged my body for this shirt was thin and wind blew hard. I considered hopping in my car and taking off just so I could get away from all of this.

"Jossshh." Hayley drawled. "I'm sorry, alright?"

Finally I found the strength to look her in the eyes. I turned around and stared at her. Her nose now a purple color, her lips the same. Her eyes had tears in them, for the cold wind had come by and blew right in her face. Her orange-red hair was still pinned up, but strands of it wavered in the wind. I resisted the urge to lean in and kiss her right then and there. She seemed so innocent when I looked at her now. Not like a couple of minutes ago when she virtually beat me up inside.

"Please say something." She pleaded.

I sighed and dropped my arms down to my sides. "You hurt me."

"I said I was sorry!" she exclaimed, her right foot stomping down on the snowy slush.

"Want some cheese to go with that whine?" I asked her.

"Shut-up, Josh. Talk to me."

"I can't shut-up and talk to you at the same time, it's impossible."

A smile tugged at her lips, "You know what I mean."

I crossed my arms again. "I don't want you to leave." I told her.

"Josh. I'm gonna visit. I'm only eight hours away."

"_Only _eight hours away? Jesus, Hayley. We'll never see you."

"That's not true." She objected. "It's only a matter of time before we're gonna wanna put together another album. I'll come back and stay at the house. It'll be legit."

"Whatever. I'll still miss you while you're gone."

Hayley's face softened as I told her this. I'm not sure, but it seemed like it was finally getting through to her. Things were going to change without Hayley around. And she was realizing it, thank God.

"Josh…" she said again. "I…"

For a second I thought maybe, just maybe, she might change her mind. For me. For us. For the band.

"Josh I'm sorry." She said.

I searched her eyes for some kind of lie. Some kind of hope that she might be staying. She couldn't just leave us here. could she?

"Whatever. I don't even care anymore." I huffed as I began to walk past her.

"Josh! Wait! Wait!" she screamed after me. Her high-pitched shrill made me want to collapse. She grabbed me by the arm and spun me around.

"What is wrong? Why are you acting like this! Can't you just accept that I miss home and let me go?" she said this frantically, swiping her bangs off of her face. The wind blew so hard I could barely hear her screaming at me. A breeze pulled tears from her eyes as they trailed in slanted lines down her cheeks.

"Because!" I shouted, like that was some kind of answer.

"Because why?"

I took a deep breath; cold air filled my throat and lungs.

"Because I love you, alright? Is that what you wanted to hear? I love way you smile, I love the way you say my name, I love your voice when you sing, I love the way you dance. I love the way you laugh, I think it's adorable. I think you're the most amazing thing alive and I want you to be mine. Like, really mine. I don't want you to leave because I'm afraid you'll slip away from me; and you're already so close."

Hayley's mouth formed an "O" as she stood in front of me in shock. She covered her mouth with her hand. Her unzipped coat now blew in the wind. Her eyebrows furrowed as more tears slipped from her eyes.

"Why are you making this so hard?" she murmured.

I moved in closer to her, tilted my head down to look at her. I removed her hand from her mouth. At this point I felt like I wasn't controlling myself. Someone else, someone more laudable than I.

"I don't think you understand, Hayles." I said.

I couldn't resist. I couldn't restrain myself any longer. I leaned my head towards her and pressed my lips to her own. Her body was surprisingly warm and so was mine as the kiss intensified. She finally found it in her to kiss back. I ran my tongue gently along her bottom lip as she opened up her mouth to me. I ran my hand down her sides and gripped her waist. Her hands grasped my forearms. Her body shivered and I could feel the goose bumps on her skin through her t-shirt. I felt as if I was floating. Is if I were maybe, dreaming. As if this weren't really happening. We had just had an argument and now here we were, tongue wrestling in the middle of our front yard.

She tasted sweet like candy and I didn't want to let go. But I knew if we were both going to breath at all we had to come up for air.

As we departed, I searched Hayley's expression. I was almost afraid of what she would say. More and more tears fell from her eyes and I didn't have any idea why. Her lips were now a rich cherry red and slippery. I ran the tip of my thumb along her bottom lip and pressed my forehead to hers.

"What's wrong?" I asked in a whisper.

She just shook her head.

"What?" I asked again.

She pulled away from my grasp, shaking her head over and over and over again.

"This can't happen." She said, her voice wavering.

"Hayley…" I tried to stop her but she wouldn't let me.

"This _can't _happen, Josh. We promised. You promised."

I wanted to ask why. She obviously enjoyed the kiss. If she didn't she would have stopped it. I wanted her to love me just as much as I loved her. I hated the way she was reacting to it. Trying to pretend it didn't happen. Trying to run away.

"Hayley, c'mon!" I yelled out to her but it was too late. She had already gone back inside the house. And away from this conversation forever.

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**Review! Since it's winter break, i'll have a lot more time to update. new chapter coming soon!**


	11. Fake Cinnabon

**Short little update for you guys! How was everyone's Christmas? Mine was alright, i was rather ill though so i couldn't get you a Christmas update. sorry about that. Yesterday was Hayley Williams birthday! She's 22 now. :)**

**If you guys haven't read Josh Farro's blog, you have to. It has the entire story of Paramore in his eyes. It's rather depressing, bu if your a parawhore like me you're gonna have to know the truth. it still makes me sad how different the band is now and how even MORE different the band's gonna be without Josh and Zac. Ohh-kayy. Enough ranting for me. **

**This is the next to last chapter. **

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**Hayley's POV**

I lay in my bed, wide awake. My light was on, but then Taylor came into my room and demanded I turn it off for the light was shining straight under the crack of his door and he couldn't get to sleep. I'm leaving tomorrow. My bags are packed, my clothing are in boxes as are all my possessions and valuables. My toiletries are in plastic shopping bags my shoes in old shoe boxes. The furniture I want to bring with me (like this AMAZING mattress) is being shipped the day after. This is it. Tomorrow will be the day I go back home. To Nashville. To family. Yet I can't sleep at all. It's nearly four in the morning and in a couple of hours the sun will be up and it will be time for me to go. Drive eight hours by myself.

I rubbed my fingers over my face, slapped myself in the face and told myself to go to sleep. Only that didn't work at all. I only became more restless with myself for not falling asleep.

I couldn't stop thinking about Josh. After all of these years I never would have thought Josh, of all people, would still have feelings for me. I remember the day we broke up. I remember Josh telling me about how annoying it was the fans cared more for their relationship than their music. I remember how I suggested we end it just so we could focus more on the band. I remember his hurt look and then his hesitant agreement.

That was it. He'd never stopped loving me. After all of these years we'd been apart. How many times I thought it'd been better for us, just staying friends. Josh is in love with me. What do I tell him now?

I sat up in bed and threw the covers back. In the dark, I made my way to the door and in my P.J's made my way down the stairs to the kitchen. I needed some brain food to think this through.

As I twirled around the column at the end of the stairwell with thoughts of Cinnabon filling my mouth I came face to face with Zac.

"Hey Hayley." He said. I couldn't understand why he was just standing there at the bottom of the stairs. His shoes on, jeans, and overcoat. He was fully dressed and it was nearly four o'clock in the morning.

"Goin somewhere?" I joked and walked past him to the kitchen.

Zac sighed. "You caught me. There's nothing good to eat here. I was gonna head to the Wal-Mart to get something."

I stuck my head in the freezer and bristly cold hit my pale face. Zac was right, nothing in the freezer. Nothing I wanted to be eating anyway.

We'd eaten so much cereal while on tours—it was almost inedible now.

Stuck my head in the pantry—nothing but stale bagels and a bag of pretzels.

"Let's go get some Cinnabon, Zac. You and me. Right now." I proposed.

"That sounds awesome. But the malls are closed now. Where on earth are we gonna get Cinnabon at four in the morning?"

"Hmmm. Plan B. C'mon Zac, we're going to Taco Bell."

Zac nodded. "That's more like it."

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Zac and I drove five miles to the nearest Taco Bell only to find out they'd closed three hours ago. It was the biggest let down of the night. So we sat in the parking lot of Taco Bell in the dark. The city of Chicago was less crazy at this time. You would think it'd still be bustling. It was, but with a whole different crowd of people. During the day mothers of children and fathers with hard paying jobs did what they had to do in the city. Now, it was the rebellious teenagers and the newly twenty-one year olds, drinking, smoking, doing whatever until the sun came up.

I slouched in the passenger's seat and buried myself in my large coat. I wiggled my cold toes inside my boots and closed my eyes.

"Goin to sleep, Hayles?" Zac asked as he sat in the driver's seat of his car.

"I want some food Zac!"

So Zac used plan C and drove us to the place he was initially going to. Wal-Mart came into view within the next seven minutes.

"The bakery in there is still open. We could get cinnamon rolls and pretend we're eating Cinnabon."

I sat up in my seat, zipped up my jacket and braced myself for the cold that would come rushing in at us when we opened the car doors. "Deal."

I was almost expecting some sort of paparazzi to spot us and snap a picture of us as we stepped inside the Wal-Mart, but it was four in the morning. I'm sure that's the last place they'd expect us to be.

Inside, however, one fan led to another. Before we knew it we had a mini crowd of teenagers, probably about sixteen or seventeen asking for autographs and photos with us. All the while, our tummies growling. After a while we led the fans over the bakery area and we paid for some two dozen cinnamon rolls and ate them together in the corner of Wal-Mart. Because that's just how we **roll**.

Zac and I piled back into the car at around five thirty in the morning. Zac began to drive us home. We sat in silence, those Cinnamon rolls not digesting but sitting on our stomachs. Then Zac asked me a very unexpected question.

"Why are you leaving us, Hayley?" he asked.

"What?"

"Why are you going back to Nashville?"

I didn't want to have this conversation. I didn't want to think about _him_. Josh. I didn't want to think about the kiss, our argument, what he told me. I didn't want to think about the morning we woke up next to each other or that stupid pregnancy scare. None of it. I wanted it out of my mind forever.

"I already told you. I want to see my family."

"Lie." Zac said promptly.

"No," I insisted, "It's true. I want to see my family."

"You are a big fat, juicy, liar." Zac pressed. "You're leaving because you're afraid of what's gonna happen with Josh. You're running away from the situation."

What Zac was saying actually made a lot of sense. As much as a wanted to see my family, me leaving was just another way to get Josh off my mind.

"I'm leaving because I don't want to choose. If I leave I don't have to." I admitted.

"Liar, again. If you leave you're choosing not to be with Josh. You'll just make him more depressed."

"How did you know about all this?" I asked Zac.

"Josh told me."

I sighed and pressed my face to the window. It was crisp and cold and all I could see was the road whizzing by and the Chicago lights looking like fireworks. My eyes welled up from the cold and this conversation put together. My nose froze off.

"Should I talk to him?" I asked Zac.

"Absolutely."

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**Review! :)**


	12. She loves me, she loves me not

**ooookay. Don't be mad at me. i know i said this was going to be the last chapter but i changed my mind... i have at least 2 more small chapters coming. I just thought i'd give y'all an update so you didn't think i abandoned this story. So i'm still alive! still writing! don't worry. This chappie is alllll about Joshley. Enjoy!**

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Hayley crept quietly down the dark hallway of the mansion and made her way to Josh's room. As she (as quietly as possible) turned the doorknob slowly a sliver of light from the bathroom eased onto the floor of Josh's room. Hayley looked around and quickly spotted Josh asleep in his bed. His stomach moving up and down as he breathed.

She tip toed inside the room and knelt down next to his bed. Her face faced his, his eyes shut, his mouth closed, and his breathing steady. His light-brown silky hair in a ruffled sweep atop his head. Hayley thought he looked peaceful and she hated to have to do this in the middle of the night. More like, morning. It was nearly six o'clock AM. The sun would be rising soon and the pitch darkness would be made into light again. And Hayley would have to leave.

Hayley took a deep breath and held it while she placed her fingers on Josh's shoulder. It was warm, but hard with muscle under Hayley's cold fingers. She shook Josh to wake him.

"Josh!" she whispered, "Josh!"

Josh jerked awake, his eyes shooting open but then when he realized who was in front of him he calmed. He opened his mouth to speak but then closed it. He looked sort of confused but a lot like he didn't want to hear what Hayley had to say. He didn't care anymore.

"Josh," Hayley whispered to the groggy fellow, "I... Sorry … I um…" Hayley could barely find the words. Here she was, interrupting Josh's peaceful sleep in the middle of the night, well morning, and now all she was doing was wasting his time and his energy.

"Sorry for waking you, I just…" she didn't quite know what to tell him.

"If you were really sorry, than you'd let me go back to sleep." Josh said in a low, bleary voice. He turned over in bed, his back facing Hayley.

"But Josh I have to talk to you about something."

Josh groaned faintly. He let out an unsteady sigh, a waver in his throat. "We already talked, remember?" he asked bitterly.

"No. I mean really talk, Josh."

There was silence in the room. Only the sound of the heater kicking on above them could be heard.

Josh let out another uneasy sigh. "I don't want to talk to you."

Hayley stood to her feet from her kneeling position and walked around to the other side of the bed so she could speak to Josh face to face.

"It's really important." Hayley persisted.

"Hayley-"

"Please," she pleaded, "It can't wait, just…"

Hayley trailed off and without another moment climbed into bed with Josh. She threw back the covers on the other side of the bed and then pulled them over her small body making herself comfortable next to him.

"Hayles…what are you..?"

Hayley adjusted the pillow under her head and then turned over to face her friend.

"We need to figure this out." She said, firmly.

Josh rolled his eyes. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"You know damn well what I'm talking about, Josh."

Josh sighed and quit playing dumb. Because he did. He knew exactly what she was talking about. He just didn't want to bring it up. When she walked away his heart was broken forever. He hated thinking about it. Everything. Hayley and this whole situation. It made him sick to his stomach. All he wanted was for her to love him. If she didn't, than why waste his breath?

"What is there to talk about Hayley? You already gave me your answer."

Josh turned over again in the dark room. His back now facing Hayley again. Hayley reached over to the nightstand on her side of the bed and turned on the side lamp. Josh winced at the sudden burst of light. He shut his eyes and tried to make himself fall asleep before Hayley began speaking again. But Hayley didn't say anything. Not for a long while.

"Turn out the light." He whispered to her, so she did.

Josh closed his eyes once more. The next couple of minutes were completely silent yet again. Hayley didn't speak. Josh didn't speak.

Josh heard the rustling of his sheets being moved around and then Hayley finally spoke in a low whisper tone.

"Josh, please." She begged.

He refused to speak. He refused to give her the satisfaction of his cooperation. He wanted her to know how angry his was. How hurt he was.

Hayley scooted over closer to where Josh lay and pressed her face to his back. She wrapped her arms around his middle and inhaled the scent that lay embedded into his t-shirt.

Josh continued to stay silent. He didn't ask her what she was doing or to stop. He couldn't speak much anyway, considering his heart was practically ramming against his chest. Being this close to Hayley made his body go haywire. He tried to calm himself.

"I feel really bad, Josh." Hayley said. Her words came out muffled, for her face was still pressed to his back side.

_You feel bad for not loving me? _Josh wanted to say, but he remained silent.

"I mean, throughout this whole thing I've told myself to reiterate the fact that we're just friends, nothing more. I had no idea you felt the way you did, honest. I wasn't trying to hurt you."

Josh considered this. And though it made sense, it still didn't mean she loved him. And that was his main goal.

"When we woke up in the same bed, I don't think I really thought much of it until I realized I was, like, naked. We've slept that close to each other before and it didn't mean anything. Right Josh? As friends?"

Josh chewed on his bottom lip.

"Right Josh?" Hayley asked again.

A knot formed in Josh's throat but he sucked it back down.

"Say right, Josh." Hayley whispered in a voice barely able to be heard.

Josh swallowed again. "Right."

Hayley sighed; Josh could feel her warm breath on his back. It sent an odd chill down his spine and his skin erupted in goose bumps.

"But then when we kissed it was like…the world stopped. It was like a reality check." Hayley spoke.

Josh let out a breath. He prayed that there was something there. He prayed that she loved him back. He prayed she would be his.

Hayley's eyes welled up with tears of frustration and confusion. Her voice wavered as she spoke.

"And I know it means something to feel that way during a kiss. There's something there, I can _feel _it. I just…" Hayley trailed off and recollected herself before breaking down and crying. "I just don't know what."

Josh heaved a sigh. "Hayles I can't make you love me," he said gently "But I think I know what you're feeling. I feel it too."

Hayley let out a much-needed sob. She pressed her face closer to Josh's back and sure enough, Josh could soon feel her tears bleeding through the fabric of his shirt onto his skin.

"Hayley, why do you always—"

"This can't happen!" Hayley exclaimed, her voice breaking and tears spewing from her eyes.

"But it can." Josh whispered. He turned over on the bed, now coming face to face with Hayley, Their noses practically touching.

Hayley squeezed her eyes tight, trying to keep tears from running down her cheeks. She whimpered.

"Hayley look at me." Josh demanded.

Hayley kept her eyes shut. Resisting like a young child. She didn't want to face it. She came into Josh's room tonight with a purpose. To tell Josh how she really felt. That she loved him as a friend. To give him closure. So she could leave the mansion without feeling guilty. But now all she could think about was how much she loved him. How much she wanted to be with him. But she couldn't.

"Look. At. Me." Josh said again.

Hayley opened her green eyes as tears glistened in them.

"It could work, Hayley. Us…together." Josh said as he ran his fingers through Hayley's red-orange locks.

"No, it can't."

Josh moved closer, his breath fogging up Hayley's pale skin.

"What are you so afraid of?" Josh whispered.

Hayley sniffled. "I'm afraid that if we're together, when we break up, our friendship will be fucked up. I don't want to lose you."

"You're already losing me, Hayley. This whole situation has fucked us up enough."

Hayley let out another painful sob. She covered her face with her hands, warm tears trickled on her nose.

"Please, Hayley. Can we please just give us a try, _please?_"

Hayley shook her head. "You promised. We promised this would never happen again. For the fans, for our friendship, Josh. For the best."

"This isn't about the _fans _Hayley. This is about us. Why can't you just admit that you feel the same way as I do?"

Josh sat up in the dark room, his back aching from lying down so long. The knot in his throat tied tighter, it made him miserable to see Hayley this upset. He just wanted them to be happy _together. _He didn't understand why she couldn't admit that she was in love with him. It was very obvious.

"We just _can't _Josh. It's what I've been trying to tell you for a _long _time. It'll be better for us."

"If its gonna be so much _better _for us, than why are you crying? And why am I so Goddamn depressed?" Josh exclaimed angrily.

Hayley let out a startling scream, or a sob, or something. Josh didn't quite know. Hayley's feet kicked at the covers. It was almost as if she was having a tantrum.

"I can't decide!" Hayley screamed. She threw the covers of Josh's bed back and hopped out of the bed, heading for the door.

"I can't love you Josh, I just can't!"

Josh jumped out of bed as well, grabbing Hayley by the arm and spinning her around with great force.

"Why not?"

"Because the last time we broke up I was so miserable! I felt so alone and alienated! Besides the time my parents divorced, it was the worst I felt in my entire life. I don't want to feel that way again."

Josh softened and took a step closer to Hayley.

"Hayley, I promise I'll never break your heart."

"I'm not going to risk it." Hayley said irately, now annoyed with Josh's pleading. She wiped a tear from her eye. "I'm sorry."

With that Hayley left Josh's room and made her way back to her own bedroom.

"Consider our friendship over then." Josh shouted down the hallway.

Hayley stopped short and turned around to face him. "Josh…" she said, dejectedly.

Josh hung his head so that Hayley wouldn't see the tears that were about to pour from his eyes.

"And consider my heart broken." He said, slamming the door behind him.

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**You like? This chapter was rather hard to write. it took me about a week to really get into it, and it's still not perfect! but i hope you liked it. Review!**


	13. But Now I Know What I Want

**WOOOO! Sorry to keep you waiting so long. Here is the last chapter of "Oh, Glory" i think you'll like it. i worked pretty dang hard on it.**

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I stepped off of the escalator with my luggage in hand, my carry-on and temporary case of clothing. My other boxes of furniture and belongings were just behind me in a truck driving to my house. I couldn't wait to see my family. Spending less than a month away from them is hard; but being away from home for more than a month has been torture. A fuzzy, purple scarf lay wrapped around my neck and matching purple beret sat lightly on top of my fiery –red head of hair. I was still bundled in my sweater and gloves because getting off the plane it was freezing cold. I was so glad to be back in Franklin.

Before no time, I spotted my mom and sisters running down the long walkway of the airport. I dropped my stuff to the ground so elated to see their smiling faces, I ran towards them. My mom enveloping me in a hug, squeezing me tight.

"Oh, Hayley. We missed you. How are you darling?" she asked.

Little Mckayla, my youngest sister, wrapped her arms around my waist as she is a short little thing like myself. Erica joined in the giant hug.

"It's been so boring without you!" she exclaimed. And when we were all done hugging and kissing and exchanging "I miss yous" she said, "I'm so glad you decided to come back, sis."

My mom ran a hand down my cheek and stroked my hair.

"I missed ya'll too." I said, meekly, a little bit overwhelmed at the joy my family was expressing to me. I'd been away from home before. We've toured in different countries, different continents. This isn't the longest I've been away from home. I guess the thought of me leaving home and staying somewhere else freaked them out. And after smacking myself a few times and facing reality, it freaked me out too. I missed my mom so much. I missed having her live fifteen minutes away. I missed my sisters. Little Mckayla and her smiles, her drawings, her sense of humor. And Erica, too. Making cookies with her on lazy Friday nights. Watching the stars light up the night sky of Nashville. I missed it all. It was a tough thing to choose between. My family and my bandmates. But once mom, Erica, Mckayla and I had hopped into the car, I knew I had made the right decision…or so I thought.

"I suppose you're hungry after that plane ride." My mom said to me driving down the highway.

"Starving," I said, "Can we stop at that Ruby Tuesdays?"

My mother chuckled. "That's just like you, Hay. You're a tiny little thing but boy can you eat!"

I just rolled my eyes and chuckled right along with her. It was odd how she still referred to me as a 'little thing' when I was nearly twenty-two years old. I wonder what she'd refer to me as if I were to tell her about the pregnancy scare. The drunken night. Josh. What would she say about me then?

While inside the Ruby Tuesdays I sat across from Erica while she tried to gobble down a hamburger. Mom had taken Mckayla to the bathroom.

"Still got those braces, sis?" I asked her.

She nodded. "Just got them tightened yesterday, they _hurt._"

I shrugged, munching on a french fry. "I wouldn't know," I said, "See this right here?" I pointed with my index finger to the tiny gap in between my two front teeth. "Proof that I ain't never had braces in my life time!"

Erica laughed and set her burger down on the plate. She flipped a blonde side bang out of her face.

"So how was Chicago? Was it wild and crazy with guys in the house?" Erica asked, eyebrows raised, grinning like a fool.

I laughed heartily. "Why do you always do that!" I asked. An image of Josh flashed into my mind at the moment but I quick pushed it out of thought. "You know the guys and I are _just _friends." Josh popped into my head again. I winced. Threw him out again.

She slumped a little bit. "I know…I guess I've been reading too much fan fiction." Erica said, sort of ashamed.

I laughed again. "You really read that shit!"

"Yes!" she exclaimed. "And you should too! It's really kind of interesting. There's a lot of little fantasies about you and Josh." She smiled again, making a 'romantic' face at me.

I couldn't think about Josh right now. The thought of him almost brought tears to my eyes. I saw him lying in his bed. Alone, depressed. Without me. Sad. Beat. I felt terrible for leaving him and I didn't have a good enough reason to do so. I felt like after all we went through a few years ago we should have just lain what we used to be to rest. Meaning it NEVER WOKE UP. I didn't want to live through the hurt again. The lonesomeness of an after-break-up sucks. Us being friends was working out just fine. I wanted it to stay that way.

I looked around the Restaurant trying to change the subject. "Do they have free refills here?" I asked my sister. "Because I think, I am running on empty. Here, I'll get us both some more."

I hoped my sister would get the gist and respect the fact that there was something wrong and I didn't want to talk about it. I took her full cup of Coke and mine of Orange soda and went of the drink area.

Erica followed me, confused.

"Hayley," she started, "Why did you do that?"

"Do what?" I asked, playing dumb. I put ice in her drink, refusing to turn around and face my younger sister.

"Don't change the subject. What happened? I thought we always used to joke about this."

"Nothing happened." I argued, "I promise. I just don't want to talk about that right now, okay?"

"Something happened. I can see it in your eyes." She said, spinning me around and looking into my face.

I decided not to try and hide it from her. She was my sister and she deserved to know. For some reason I actually felt like telling her. So I patted her shoulder and I sat her down back at the table.

I leaned forward on the table, my chin in my palms my elbows resting on the table.

"Okay, so you wanna know what happened?" I asked her.

Erica nodded eagerly.

"Alright," I said, "This is what happened."

Erica helped me close the buttons on my coat as I was about to jump into a cab.

"Call me as soon as you talk to him, I want to know what happens." Erica said, adjusting my scarf.

"Alright." I said, softly.

She pulled a hat over my head as if she were my mother. She does that sometimes, acts older than she is.

"You okay?" she asked.

"Yeah."

"You can do this."

"I know."

"Just tell him exactly what we talked about. Don't hold back."

"Okay."

I sighed as the taxi cab driver honked the horn (rude), we were taking too long. I grabbed my tote bag and stepped in the taxi. The leather seat was cold from the frosty air that now permeated around us. Nashville was still freezing in the late December.

"Are you sure mom won't mind if I go?"

Erica waved a hand at me. "I sent her a text. Besides she'll understand. This is Josh we're talking about."

The wind blew Erica's blonde hair all in her face. She struggled to push it behind her ears. Strands of my red tresses began to blow away from my head too.

"Alright."

I settled into my seat and just before closing the door I said: "Erica?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you."

Erica grinned, her brown eyes glittering with happiness. "Just like that. Do it just like that!"

I laughed, rolled my eyes, and waved her away while closing the door.

As the taxi rolled off the curb and onto the mellow midday street I looked out the window to still see my sister waving and blowing kisses at me.

"Where to Miss Hayley?" I taxi cab driver asked me. I wasn't too surprised that he knew my name.

I put my seat belt on. "Chicago National Airport please," I said and a smile forced itself onto my face.

"Chicago?" he asked a little shock in his voice.

"Yes," I assured him, "Home."

I pulled up to the house in my car after stopping at the airport to get it. I took the key out of the ignition and the heat cut off. I looked around. It was dark outside, nearly ten o'clock at night. Snow and slush still filled the grounds. I took a deep breath and rested my head back against the seat, I closed my eyes. I let out a huge breath of warm air, making fog in the cold, sharp air that began to surround me from the outside. I thought about Josh. I wondered what he'd say to me. Would he be happy to see me? Welcoming me back with open arms? Begging me to love him? Begging me never to leave again? That was what I wanted to happen. Only in a fantasy world would Josh ever forgive me for being such a bitch to him. I reckoned he'd be angry. Frustrated. Upset with ME. I knew he'd have trouble believing what I was going to tell him. I was ready for it though. I had just sat in a taxi for a good eight hours then drove another thirty minutes to the house from the airport. I had planned exactly what I was going to say to him.

I ran my fingers through my matted red hair and tried to fix it up as best I could. I wanted to look presentable when I confronted him. I was beginning to get a bit nervous.

After sitting in my car for a good thirty minutes, the cold air getting in, my ass freezing; I came to the conclusion that I wasn't brave enough to confront Josh in person. I feared rejection. I feared his anger. I wondered if he still loved me. If that love was replaced with hatred and anger. But nothing can change that fast in a time span of a few hours, right?

I pulled out my phone and called him. I pressed my blackberry to my ear and waited for a response. But he didn't answer. In fact I called him six times and no one picked up. The seventh time calling I left a message.

"Josh," I said after the voicemail told leave a message, "its Hayley." I sighed, "I mean, of course…you know it's me. I've been trying to get a hold of you and for whatever reason you won't answer."

I wiped a nervous bead of sweat off of my forehead. "I was just hoping we could talk. I need to …tell you something." I said. With that, I hit the _end _button and at silently in my car. I waited for something to happen.

Shortly after leaving the message, my phone started to ring.

I glanced at the screen and saw Josh's name. My heart skipped a beat, and my stomach flipped. I answered it. "Hello?" I said, a little too eagerly.

"Hey." Josh said his voice placid; serene.

"How are you?" I asked, trying to be nice.

I could hear him sigh on the other end of the line. "I'm gonna lie to you and say that I'm _just fine._"  
I closed my eyes and sighed. "Josh... I …"

"Save it." He snapped. "What did you want to talk to me about? Make it quick."

I felt panicked. I wasn't expecting there to be a time limit on what I was going to tell him.

"Well, I …uh…"  
there was a long and awkward silence as I tried to pull myself together.

"I don't have all day." He said.

I took a deep breath and opened my car door. The freezing cold wind blew though my ears whistling loudly. I took a few steps back so I could see into Josh's bedroom window.

"Look out your window, Josh." I told him.

"What? Why?" he asked, confused.

"Just do it." I commanded.

Slowly I saw Josh's figure come to the window. When I saw his face my heart started to beat so hard and so fast I thought it might come bursting out of chest. I started to wave and when he spotted me, a cute little grin split onto his face, but only for a few seconds before he wiped it off.

"Oh, God." He said, in whisper, but I could hear him. He was chuckling.

I began to laugh a little as well. "Do you see me Josh?" I asked him, even though I already knew he did.

He chuckled. "Yeah, I see you."

We stood there grinning at each other, but I wore the biggest smile. My heart bulged with love as I stared Josh. I was about to explode, my cheeks hurt from the foolish grin I wore on my face.

"Why did you come back?" Josh asked me, finally.

I broke our gaze and stared around at the slushy, snowy grounds.

"I came back to tell you that I love you." I blurted.

I put a hand over my head to keep it from spinning. I watched through the window as Josh walked slowly around his room. "I…wow...um…" he said.

The line was silent for a few minutes. I could hear him breathing, thinking.

"Please say something." I begged.

"I don't know what to say. You told me we couldn't. What happened?"

"Josh I left Chicago thinking I'd just get over you. And the minute I stepped on that plane you were the only thing on my mind. I couldn't stop thinking about you. It killed me to think that you were back home; depressed and rejected."

"Home," Josh repeated, "You're calling this place home? I thought you said Nashville was home."

"Josh you know how they always say that home is where the heart is?"

"Yeah."

I sighed. Took in a breath of the cold air. "Well I think you have my heart, Josh."

The line went dead then and I freaked out for a millisecond thinking he'd hung up on me before seeing the front door open to reveal the love of my life. He looked rather worn, almost as if he'd been fighting a long battle and he was just now resting. His eyes were tired but when he laid eyes on me they turned up a bit.

He used his pointer finger and motioned for me to walk over to him. I smiled shyly and resisted skipping through the snow to Josh. I stood in front of him, my hands folded in front of me.

He laughed. "What are you doing, silly?" he asked me.

I shrugged. "What?"

"Come here," he said and he grabbed my arms. He wrapped his warm and cozy arms around my small frame and I fell into his body. I buried my face into the chest of his loose, soft t-shirt and inhaled his scent. I could feel tears coming to my eyes. That familiar smell. This familiar feeling. I missed it.

"You have my heart too, Hayley." He whispered into my ear.

I let out an uneasy groan, trying to keep myself from crying like a little baby. "Thank, God."

"Are you here to stay?" he asked me, pulling away from the hug.

I nodded. "Yeah."

He smiled and grabbed my hands. Our fingers intertwining with one another he said "That's cool, Hayley."

A tear slipped from my eye just as Josh was leaning in to plant a tender kiss on my forehead.

I looked into his eyes. The happiness I saw made me melt. It was almost as if the fantasy I was daydreaming about had utterly come true. Josh was mine. I was his. My best friend. My _boyfriend. _It all felt so right. So fresh. So beautiful.

He pressed his forehead to mine, our noses touching and in unison we leant in for a kiss. We could hear the other guys coming up behind us. Whistling, commenting, and asking what the hell was going on. But I didn't care, and I don't think Josh did either. Because we were together. And for the first time, I think I was beginning to accept it.

It started with a high school relationship. A small, think-nothing-of-it, cute, little relationship. Then came the feelings, the love. The treacherous break-up that left me feeling empty and alone for months. After a little healing came the aftermath, the rebuilding of our friendship.

Then there was the surge of events. An odd craving for potatoes, a drunken night, a one-night stand, a _pregnancy _scare, hurt, fear, rejection…it all led up to this. And now we're in love again. I think this was how it was supposed to be. If not, I wouldn't be here kissing best friend; and loving every second of it.

* * *

**Yesss, a very sappy, cheesy, HAPPY ending. you knew i was gonna do that! ha.**

**i hope you enjoyed reading my Fanfic. this was my first one so i'm really surprised at how much feedback i got. Thanks so much to all of my regular readers for being so loyal and reviewing everything! I LOVE YA'LL! look forward to seeing more stuff from me in the future!**


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